I Didn’t Sign Up For This

What’s a gal to do at 3:41 am in the morning as she’s burping one twin after the other? Capitalize on those creative juices and write a poem of course! Somehow a few rhymes in my head turned into a full blown poem. It’s very, very long. I just couldn’t stop writing.

True story: I used to write poems as a kid all the time. I even had a poem book. The writing went on through middle and high school. I even spoke at my middle school and high school graduations and guess what I read? POEMS! Maybe if I can dig them up I will post them one day… or not. Anyway, here’s something I wrote in the past few days as a tribute to my pregnancy and first few months as a parent. Hope you like it!

 

I Didn’t Sign Up For This

 

We were ready for A baby

We knew the time was right

We enjoyed our time alone

Traveling and partying all night

 


We signed up for a baby

We didn’t sign up for TWO

18 weeks 
is when we found out

Not once did we have a clue

 

I signed up for a pregnancy

Hoping for the cute lil bUmp

But I didn’t sign up for complications

Facing each hump after hump

 

I signed up for morning sickness

The swollen feet, maternity “vacation”

But I didn’t sign up our babies

To be in a high risk situation

 

I had signed up to be healthy

Since I was eating for 3

Didn’t sign up for strict bed rest


Three months of not being free

 

Canceled baby showers

Leaving my job so soon

Fatigue beyond belief

Sometimes done for the day by noon

 

I signed up to FIGHT for my babies

Do all I can to see them thrive

I didn’t sign up for the knowledge

That only one or neither may survive

 

I signed up to follow the doc’s orders

Cook these buns in the oven a while

I didn’t sign up for what would be

A very long and hard fought trial

 

I signed up to give birth

To endure the labor and delivery

I didn’t sign up for what would be

My first and longest hospital stays in my life’s history

 

I signed up for the balloons

The chocolates and flowers were a must

But I didn’t think the NICU

Would be a second home to us

 

It was scary and so foreign

Babies hooked up to tubes and IVs

They were helpless and so fragile

I’d walk up to them slowly, weak in my knees

 

I didn’t sign up for the sadness

Of saying “bye” to them each day

But the nursing staff was incredible

I knew the babies were safe and sound during their stay

 

I signed up for some help

My family was there from the beginning

But they amazed me with how much more they gave

Already these baby boys were “tWINNING!”

 

I signed up for the sleepless nights

Pumping around the clock and setting alarms

I didn’t realize the warmth I’d feel

As they’d fall asleep in my arms

 

I signed up to care for these two

But as far as I could see

I could never prepare enough for the love

That now burns deep within me

 

I didn’t sign up for the celebration

Of hearing my babies nursing so well

I almost gave up completely

Frustrated and disappointed, often wanting to yell

 

I thought that nursing was “natural”

That it’d be a piece of cake

But lo’ and behold I learned instead

Dedication and patience it would take

 

I didn’t sign up for the elation

Of listening to these nursing babies of mine

Nor did I know the excitement existed

Of nursing them both at the same time!

 

I signed up for the lullabies

To hum and sing all night long

But I didn’t sign up to be a rockstar

With two little fans to cheer me on

 

I signed up for pee, poop, and spit up

I signed up to get attached

I didn’t realize the sheer joy of the first smiles

Would seriously be unmatched

 

I signed up for the diapers
 and all

I knew baby stuff wasn’t cheap

The tears of gratefulness I didn’t expect

As I would rock them each to sleep

 

I knew there would be sweat and tears

I knew parenting would be tough to do

But I never fathomed the ache in my heart

Of imagining life without these two

 

They warned me it’d be hard

That my life would change for good

They said that I’d be humbled

That I’d love entering motherhood

 

I was such a sap before this

Of course I knew I’d cry

But I didn’t realize how vulnerable I’d become

I can’t hold the emotions back even if I try

 

Of all the things I’ve gone through so far

My motto has become, “Go with the flow”

I could try to plan for everything

But there’s one important thing I had to know

 

I could watch all the videos, read the books

Sign up for classes, take a hospital tour

But life would throw at me challenges

That I’d never thought I’d have to endure

 

Instead of flying, I chose to fight

Instead of complaining, I chose to believe

Unexpectedly I rose up to the occasion

And now relish in all that I’ve achieved

 

I signed up for a baby

Two blessings I was given anyway

A ton of things I hadn’t planned on

But I’d do it all over again any day

 

I had signed up for a husband


One who’d answer my every call

But he emerged into something greater


Endlessly encouraging me through it all

 

I knew that he would be there

Always staying by my side

I didn’t sign up for someone unbelievably positive

Who’d keep me so strong throughout the ride

 

How could I ever have imagined this life?

How could I be so blessed?

God knew that through the “thiNk and thin”

We’d persevere through this test

 

Parenthood is the toughest job you’ll ever love”

I didn’t know how much of this was true

I soon found it truly is a love

That literally consumes every part of you

 

I didn’t sign up for my heart to explode

For us to have the most amazing year

If it’s any indication of the rest of life

Then I have nothing left to fear.

 

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Our family<3

 

 

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