Before I became a mom, my visions of motherhood closely resembled rainbows and butterflies and ponies prancing around my darling children in a meadow.
Ok, maybe not that whimsical, but my expectations were not far off.
Then I got pregnant.
And then I gave birth.
And then there were two little monkeys staring at me, waiting for my next move.
After a year of being a mom, I look back and often realize how far off my dreams of motherhood were. A huge dose of reality was served and while there are moments of butterflies and ponies, I’ve come to find there is more to motherhood than that.
Here is just a glimpse at some of the outrageous and hilarious things I find myself saying, which I never would have imagined would come out of my mouth.
8 things I never thought I’d say as a mom
- “Yes, he can eat those goldfish crackers that fell on the floor.” At least we’re at home and I know who walks on these tiles.
- “THANK YOU (baby) for handing me the piece of chicken you just put in your mouth, took out of your mouth because you decided you don’t like it, were about to throw onto the floor, waved it around like a noodle, put it back into your mouth, then decided you want to take it out again and give it to mama.” At least it’s one less piece of food on the floor to clean up.
- “I promise it will take me only ten more seconds to change your diaper!” Ten, nine, … five, four, five, six, five, four, three, two, almost one, not yet, OK ONE!!!
- “Just leave the car running and I’ll stay here with Frozen on repeat.” Better to maintain the calm than to wake two cranky infants who JUST fell asleep.
- “Did I brush my teeth, shower, or eat yet today?” Ok, I don’t ask myself these questions anymore, but best believe I sure did for the first six months.
- “I’d LOVE to go to the store for more milk even if it’s the only thing we need right now and the sink is full of dishes and it’s already 10 pm on a work night.” A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to get out of the house.
- “Oh my goodness, what do I wear to the mall? Actually, who care?! I’m just excited to sit at the food court and enjoy every bite in peace!” This literally came out of my mouth over the weekend.
- “Yes sweetie (husband), hit play on the new Netflix show. I got my wine and goldfish crackers ready!” Again, this literally happened over the weekend.
Yes, motherhood is rewarding, wonderful, and beautiful… magical, even. But it isn’t without the blood, sweat, and tears. Those first few weeks and months are all about doing whatever it takes just to survive.
To the moms who are expecting, the moms of newborns, and women who will one day be moms… it’s true that they say time flies. What they don’t tell really tell you (or, rather, what you may not realize for a long time) is that no matter how bad you think you’re doing, how much you feel like a failure, or how wrong you think you are, you are doing just fine! As long as you are trying your best, you can’t beat yourself up or live in regret.
Mistakes are inevitable and you will learn as you go. But even if you kiddo is chewing up the cardboard book from his birthday and the paper is stuck to his lip, he will still be ok (I’m 98% sure of this).
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You tell me!
Have you ever seen a mom (or parent) do something outrageous or unexpected? I’ve seen a mom leave her crying toddler on the floor of a department store as she continued to browse a rack of clothing.
Moms out there, what is something unexpected you find yourself saying now that you are a mom? See above list.
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