At last. I know exactly what my twin toddler boys want for Christmas.
Ok, maybe I’m 99.5% sure. But that’s pretty sure, right?
I put myself in their shoes, er, socks with grips, and thought really, really, REALLY hard. I thought to myself, “If I were a one-year-old boy, do I really want more clothing, educational toys, and books? No way!!!”
If my babies could speak and write, here’s what they would put on their Christmas wish list:
1) A permanent ban on baby gates
We jailbreak 375 times a day and throw all of our toys over the gate ANYWAY, forcing mommy and daddy to take precious time out of their days to drag us back into captivity and pick up all our mess. We are learning quickly (at least one of us is) how to go down the stairs safely, so pretty soon we can be trusted in all areas of the house. Let’s talk about the toilet bowl another time.
2) A cell phone
It lights up, plays YouTube videos, and mommy and daddy are ALWAYS on them. It’s only FAIR as members of this household that we get our own (NOT A SHARED ONE) cell phones, too.
3) French fries
How mean of you, mommy and daddy, to eat those greasy, salt-filled, and flattening pieces of processed WASTE in front of us? Even worse, how dare you think we don’t know the difference from a veggie stick. A VEGGIE STICK? You see the longing and desire in our eyes and the salivation that takes place when we see you eat fries. Have pity on us and make our dreams come true.
4) Toilet paper
As mentioned in item #1, we’ll talk about the toilet bowl another day. However, toilet PAPER… now THAT is what we want for Christmas! Don’t mind the toilet paper piles on the floor. Think of it as an instant duster or broom when you’re ready to clean the bathroom floors. See? We’re unselfish.
5) Remote Controls
No, not those dinky, fake ones for babies. We want the real thing. Simple because we know how to operate them, we know how to increase the volume until your ears break, and we love chewing on them. Don’t you want us happy?
Mommy needs help updating her blog, Daddy needs to check his Fantasy scores, and we need “Let it Go” on repeat so you don’t have to keep pressing replay. Help us help you.
7) Everything on top of the kitchen counters and inside the kitchen cabinets
The mystery and suspense KILL us! We NEED to know what’s so cool on top of the counter or what you’re trying to hide in the cabinets. Why is everything “off limits?” It’s so confusing when you tell US things are “off limits,” but you proceed to keep us out of the loop. Be fair.
8) A permanent ban on pants, or at least socks
We hate em. We don’t like wearing them, we feel so much more free without em. Is it like an official rule or something that you HAVE to be wearing them when you leave the house? We want to see that in writing.
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And there you have it. My twin toddlers’ “official” Christmas wish list. Not what they SHOULD get, or what they NEED to get for Christmas. But what they ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE OR ELSE THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE GRUMPY, FUSSY, AND DIFFICULT.
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What would be on your baby/toddler’s Christmas wish list? Tell me in the comments!